Tag: emergency room

Living a life of “for nows” in the context of “forever”

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This past Sunday morning, I pulled out yet another command tape strip from the box at the top of my closet. When I moved into my room in January, I decided that the posters of paintings on my wall could be hung with blue tac. Over the course of the semester, they’ve slowly fallen, corner by corner, off the wall, leading to the slow replacement of blue tac by command strips. Before pulling the box out, however, I took a second to decide whether it was even worth the 5 seconds it would take me to replace it. I’m moving out of this room at the beginning of May, putting all of my things in the back of my car, and driving home, never to spend a significant amount of time between these four walls ever again. My Type-A personality overpowered me because a half falling poster on the wall is unpleasant to look at, but the hesitation was there none the less.

College, especially in a scholarship program like mine, involves a constant stream of ‘for now.’ Most evident is the constant shift in living situations. My freshman year I moved from my dorm into a hospital room, into a hotel room, back into my dorm and back to a different hospital room, and then into an Airbnb to recover from my second surgery. That summer, I went Home then (the capital is important here — “home” has taken on a new meaning), moved to New Orleans, and back Home. Sophmore year, I spent one semester at one university, had to spend a couple of weeks at Home because of shingles, and then the second semester at a different university. That summer, I went Home, then moved to a room in London, then back Home and then to a different room in London.

I’m not just great at packing, however — this constant shift in location mirrors a constant shift in friendships and extra-curricular activities. It’s a constant shift in philosophy and mindset, in habits and in what direction I need to sleepily reach out in when trying to turn off my alarm every morning. I don’t know where I’ll be in May of 2019, and, because I want to go to medical school, where I’ll be the year after that. I don’t know who my friends will be, or whose name I’ll smile at when it comes up on my phone. I don’t know what my email signature will say, or what colors will fill up the rows of my Google Calendar. Life as a young adult is a collection of temporary situations, as concurrently unnerving and exciting as they may be. What I do know, however, is that I’ll have Crohn’s Disease.

It’s strange to live in a permanent state of temporary situations with my disease as a constant. I know that in May of 2019 I’ll still be trying to sleep eight hours a night and constantly eat quality food. I know that I’ll be thinking about how my digestive system is working most hours of the day and that I’ll be trying to get regular exercise because it lowers the risk of a flare. I know that I’ll probably still be immunosuppressed and putting on facemasks whenever I go into a high infection risk environment. I’ll still be having regular blood tests, and trying to moderate my stress.

Is it odd that I find comfort in this constant? Sure, having Crohn’s Disease for the rest of my life isn’t the best card to draw. But as someone who values stability and consistency, knowing that Crohn’s and everything it implies for me will be a constant almost gives me a safe place to go when the cardboard boxes of moves overwhelm me. I won’t have all of the books on my bookshelves in each place I sleep in, but I will have my diagnosis. Most of my habits will stay the same, while the friends I look to for an understanding of them differ. If I build a living room of the constants in my life in my brain, Crohn’s Disease is a red velvet couch — it’s the centerpiece that you really can’t put much other furniture around.

As I write this sitting in a restaurant I won’t regularly visit after another year has passed, I take a sip from the glass of water next to me. ‘Hydration is important to decrease kidney stone risk’ pops up in my mind as others’ fundamental values might — it’s there, I’m aware of it, but it’s a thought that serves as more of a safety blanket than a revolution.

Reflecting After Two Years

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Alright, first things first — for a while, I think this blog is going to turn more into a place of reflection and less of a place where I provide advice (although reflection can lead to some helpful observations). I’ve been putting a load of my helping energy into the Patient Advisory Council of ImproveCareNow, which has become an outlet for the advice I can give. Two years post the emergency room visit, however, I’m finding that I need a space to reflect on who I am and how that experience changed me.

I’ve had people tell me that I dwell too much on 2016. How could I not, though, when 96% of my most life-changing experiences up until this point happened over the course of those 12 months? Yes, going to college is life-changing. Moving to the United States — also life-changing. But having your body stop you in your tracks after years of lack of self-respect? That’s revolutionary.

This Thursday, March 8th, is the two year anniversary of when I Ubered to the hospital with so much pain that I legitimately could not stand upright. I had attempted to manage the daily pain with over the counter painkillers and balanced going to class with lying down as soon as I could get back to my bed and falling asleep for 14-16 hours a night. At that point, I was only able to stomach plain chicken breast and mashed carrots, which I was asking my friends to sneak out of the dining hall for me — even making my way into that loud, crowded space was too much to ask. On March 8th, 2016, I went to class in the morning and was out of breath as soon as I got there. After class, I sat down on a couch and quickly realized that I was in so much pain I would be unable to get up. The pain fogs my memory from there — somehow I managed to get to my dorm and realized that I could not walk up stairs or stretch out my body. Somehow I managed to call an Uber and make it to the emergency room. Somehow I ended up lying on a trolley shaking from the amount of pain I was in. Until the ER doc told me that my inflammatory markers were through the roof and I was going to likely have surgery during the next week or so, I was still in denial.

Prior to this point, I had not been kind to my body. I was not sleeping enough and in normal enough intervals. I was not being meticulous about what I ate. High-school had instilled such a degree of stress in me that I cherished the 40 min bus rides home because carsickness gave me an excuse not to study. To make matters worse, I thought that my social life had to be perfect and would turn into a ball of anxiety whenever anyone was upset with me. I hadn’t had a terrible flare up of my Crohn’s Disease for the past 4 or so years, so I didn’t remember the pain or the exhaustion (a common problem in pediatrics). I was ready to ignore the warning signs my body was giving me and push it to its limits, chronic disease or not, for the sake of success (whatever that means). I was in complete and utter denial. By the summer after my senior year (23 college and scholarship applications later), I had completely shut off my ability to process what was happening to my health.

There’s nothing like 3 and a half surgeries and a case of severe shingles to really knock you back to where you should be, though. I’m almost grateful that my recovery was not anywhere near as easy as I had hoped, that only one of those surgeries was expected, and that I got shingles to boot. Without all of that, I don’t know that I would have been able to realize what really mattered to me, figure out my relationship with my body, and understand what my priorities should be. I’m not sure that I could completely process this all last March — the memories were too fresh and I could almost still feel the IVs in my arms. Two years later, I’ve had that time. Here are some things I’ve learned.

  1. Sleep and good nutrition should come in at number one on your list of priorities. I don’t care that you have a midterm. It can wait so you can get 8 hours of sleep. Try learning some better strategies to focus during the day. There is always time for this. Don’t convince yourself that there are more important things in your life.
  2. The people who matter are those that will make time for you and come to your bedside because they know you need them, and not because you’ve asked them to. Don’t let them go.
  3. When all of your friends know you as someone who’s sick, it can be difficult for them to adjust to your health. You have so much more energy! Life is exciting! You don’t have to flake on every dinner plan! Ease them into it.
  4. Listen to what your body needs. If your eyes are shutting, don’t drink another cup of coffee. If you’re hungry, don’t deny yourself a meal to save time. If you need to skip a class because your brain needs you to, do it. No academic curriculum is worth your mental health.
  5. Respecting your preferences is paramount. If you don’t want to engage in the same kinds of social activities as your friends, don’t. You are wonderful because of who you are. Respect yourself for that.
  6. When you’ve had a serious medical event, people tend to flock to help you at first, and then slowly drift away as your event continues to extend. This is okay. Different people have different tolerances. Maybe just don’t marry or fall in love with any of the ones who can’t handle it.
  7. If you find something you love, stick to it, even if that means that you have to let people down by committing less time to things that don’t interest you anymore.
  8. Having your shit together can be intimidating. Don’t apologize for that. You are respecting what you need to do for your own well being. Stick to the people who will respect it (and joke about how much of a mom you are).
  9. One of the most powerful things you can do for others and for yourself is to turn your negative experiences into advocacy. Help other people with what you’ve learned. It’ll help make you happier and process better.
  10. Surgical recovery is hard and disheartening and can completely change the way you see your body. If you need to go see someone, do it. Treat a therapist like you would the rest of your medical bills — your mind is just as important.
  11. Laughing about it is okay. Yeah, I have nerve damage from shingles in my right hip. Sometimes it sucks that it hurts to wear a backpack. But hey! It makes for a cool party trick when my friends tap my hip and I can’t feel it. I promise this is a lot funnier said out loud.
  12. If you need to stop processing your experiences while they’re happening, that’s okay. Keep them in a little backlog of things to think about. You’ll pull through.
  13. Be proud of yourself for overcoming all of the adversities you’ve been presented. You are capable, you are strong, and you can continue to persevere.

 

College and the Emergency Room (ER)

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Over the course of this past year, I’ve had two different surgeries. In March, I had an ileocecal resection, and an ileostomy takedown in May. For my surgery in March, I was in the middle of the second semester of my freshman year (I conveniently ended up in the hospital right before spring break), and my surgery in May was right after final exams. I thought I would record my experiences both with the Emergency Room, and with Surgeries while being in college, as well as provide any tips if any of you find yourselves in these unfortunate situations.

I had been having intense pain (to the point of being unable to walk) in the lower left quadrant of my abdomen for two whole days before going to the emergency room. I told myself I could put up with the pain, take acetaminophen to calm it down, and generally just try to put it in the back of my head. This was my first mistake. When the acetaminophen isn’t calming the pain for as long as its supposed to, or not breaking it at all, it’s time to go to the Emergency Room. I bet that if I had gone to the ER when I realized that I couldn’t manage my pain on my own, I wouldn’t have been in such bad shape when I got to the ER.

Luckily, the ER was relatively close to my dorm (I took an Uber there, freaking out the driver in the process). However, make sure you have a way to get to the hospital quickly if the need arises. Once I got there, I registered and they took me into pediatrics. Don’t try to be brave and tell them you’re in less pain than you’re actually in. Your body is being damaged by the fact that you’re withstanding immense amounts of pain, so don’t underreport the pain you’re in. The doctors generally won’t give you more painkillers than you actually need. Don’t put up with the pain if you’ve been given painkillers and they’ve done nothing, either. Sure, some painkillers take 20 to 30 minutes to kick in, but if time has passed and you’re still feeling the same pain, tell your nurse. Nurses are your best resources in the Emergency Room. When I had my first surgery, we quickly discovered that morphine does nothing for my pain, but I only reported this to anyone after two days of putting up with full fledged post-surgery pain.

Being in the emergency room for the first time by yourself is definitely daunting. You have to fill out a bunch of medical forms, and possibly make decisions about your own well being while you’re there, decisions you may be unused to making. Tell your closest friends that you’re in the hospital so you have someone there with you. I was in too much pain when I got to the Emergency Room to talk to my parents or try to text them, so it was great to have a friend there for not only support, but also to help me out with contacting my family.

Don’t tell your parents that they can’t come if it seems like you’ll be there a while. Although you may feel like you can manage the situation yourself, it will be much better for both you and your parents’ emotional states if they’re there. Eventually, your friends have to go to class, and you’ll be by yourself. You want someone there to vouch for you when you don’t feel like you’re able to.

If it seems like you’ll be staying in the hospital, make sure you let your professors know. Make a group email with all of your professors’ emails and send them emails updating them on how you’re doing and how it looks like things are going to go. They’d much rather get a number of emails than be surprised when you don’t show up for three different classes. If they don’t know about your condition, tell them politely before explaining your current medical situation. Don’t be shy about this — most professors are willing to help you out in a situation like this.

If you had any packages you were going to have delivered like I did, you can usually email the shipping department and ask them to authorize a friend to pick them up for you. 

Also, let your RA know what’s going on. If your parents or friends need to get into your room to get you clothes or supplies, it’ll be convenient for your RA to know that.  They’re there to help you, whatever the situation.

If you’re coming to the emergency room and you have a doctor at the hospital you’re visiting, call your doctor’s office on your way there (if you can) or send them an email to make sure they call the emergency room before hand and explain some of your history/why you’re coming in. They can better prepare for you if they know you’re on your way, and your doctor can inform them as to any steps he/she wants to take when you get there. Plus, this can make triage and registration a lot faster.

Most importantly though, don’t be frightened. You can do this. The people in the hospital are there to help you. Finally going to the emergency room felt like a breath of relief for me, because it meant that I wasn’t the only one worrying about my health anymore, and that at least part of my suffering would be over soon.